Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize