I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
