What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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