I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
