So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
