if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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