I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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