Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
