I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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