friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
