you guys were way drunker than both of me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize