Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
