come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
