I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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