the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
