I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
