We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
