i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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