You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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