I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
