i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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