There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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