Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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