Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
