I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's blow job season.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
