when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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