She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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