Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
