She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
