Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
