It's Friday. Sex?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
