My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
