Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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