walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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