I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize