I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
