His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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