I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
