Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize