Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
