This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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