Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
