Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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