Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
