went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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