Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
