I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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