Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
