it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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