Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
