sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
