I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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