On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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