my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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