i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
