So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
