I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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