just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
