Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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