i jhust puked up my retainher.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
