I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
