you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
