I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize