Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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