But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
