He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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