That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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