You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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