I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
