How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
