I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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