i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize