Can Purell be used as lube?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
