im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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