Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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