Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
