I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize