you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
