i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
