Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
