i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
