"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Non-Jews are for practice
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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