So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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