He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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