Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize