im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
