So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
try to milk me bitch
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