Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
