he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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