Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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