I'm jealous of your bromance
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
