About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
