im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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