it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
