windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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