you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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