I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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