Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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