i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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