omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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