If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
