11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
