if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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