Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
