I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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