after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
