I murdered the dance floor call the cops
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
