youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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