Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
