Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
