My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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