Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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