After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
